He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
