just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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