my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
