The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
