just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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