What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
