Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize