the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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