I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You need a sexual gate keeper
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
