please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
