so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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