I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
