I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
