Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
