you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
