you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
