He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize