Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
