Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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