And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
