My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
