i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
