all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize