i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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