Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
