I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
