I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
