It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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