I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
