i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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