I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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