What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
