i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
