**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
