I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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