can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
