every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
