All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
