New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
