Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize