Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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