Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
