I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize