At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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