If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
