Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
