I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
