he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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