A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
pop tarts are not kleenex
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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