I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
