The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize