wat bout pragnant strippers??
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
