this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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