You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
