if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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