I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
