At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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