my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
