I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize