we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
