You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
