You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
