the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
