Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
