I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
