My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
