we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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