you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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