I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
