I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
where are my eyebrows?
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