Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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