I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
