Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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