Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
how drunk are you?
Several
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
