I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
