Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
