There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
