what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
