Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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