So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
