return my video game
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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