i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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