I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
