smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize