Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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