I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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