i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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