She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
