I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize