I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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