my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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