i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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