First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
