I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I want is dick and wine.
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