If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would ride that face into the sunset
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
