Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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