my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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