thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
