i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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