When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
