Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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