why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
