I seem to have left my pride at pride
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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