I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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