You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
