Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
