Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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