wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
