I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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