I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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